Back in the Day...

Back to when he first showed me that my toes could actually curl
Back to when he was sick and I was making chicken soup... from scratch.
Let me take you on a trip back to before we hit that soul shattering life altering rough patch

It was instant attraction from an unlikely source
Tall dark and uniquely handsome, fashionably fitted
With fresh kicks of course
You see I was into the pretty niggas before him
And he well, his flyyness was of a different kin
Perhaps it was the poetic flow of his words
Or the flecks of amber in those damn hazel orbs
Then again, maybe Flyy just recognize Flyy
Point is I couldn't tell you what exactly caught my eye

Back to the days of his courtroom drama
Dying a lil to see him cuffed
Back to the Sundays spent at his mama's
Gettin our asses handed to us cuz neither could call her bluff
Back to 3am butt nekkid 100mph rides on the 60 just cuz it felt good
And then coming home and touching... and licking... mmmmm
That felt real good

Loving blindly and with absolute full force I stood by his side
Never questioning when he said "Flutterby time to ride"
Through the good and the great, the grit and grime
And small acts of (harmless yet necessary) crime
I was there, ready and beyond willing to bend over backward
Anything to continue to help move us forward
It was always "Better You, Better Me, Better WE"
I was under the impression we'd be together
That we'd be hangin in love like forever


Back to the days when I was foolish enough to believe I made him happy
Back to the day I was doing the wash and picked hair off his shirt
And thought "No way in hell is my hair this damn nappy"
Back to the day that I realized that unconditional love
Like a Major League player's record, Sometimes has an asterisk next to it


And there before me laid the problem:
He couldn't keep his junk in the trunk
And I didn't have the courage to put my junk in the trunk
You see I don't blame him completely for hurting my heart
Cuz like Ms Badu I Kept On & On
And I wasn't ready to give up and accept that he was changing
That I was changing, that the whole dynamic of US
Was fading to nothing more than dust


Back to our final day
Back to the day and moment when words "I Hate You" replaced "I Love You"
Back to the day the impossible became possible
When he venomously ripped the clothes off my back
And at the same time taking my dignity and any small amount of self worth I had tried to hold onto
Killing that rose colored view of Him, Me and We
Back to the day all I could feel was anger
Hating that this happen, thinking this was all a mistake
How did I end up here? How did we get here?
I'm rubbin my eyes hopin that maybe I just wasn't awake


Watching him leave and slam the door
Knowing that this time it was all over for sure
Killed me more than a little inside,
And hurt so much that I felt the need to express it on the outside
One... Two... Three... Four...
Counting as the blood drops on the sink, counter and floor...


Back to the day I remembered who the fuck I am and pulled it together
To that day that my mama's words "Fine before Him, Fine after Him" finally had real meaning
Back to the day that I was ready to get back like Stella


You see He was the only one that I loved and the only one I cared about
Today I realize, that THAT was the real problem
I Forgot to Love and Care bout Me the way I did He

But no excuses, or passing blame or any of the above
Shit what can I say?
Back in the day I was in love