Light Skin, Bright Skin: Part 2... Sorta

"Immigrant parents had me feeling like a stepkid/Black Americans never did accept me" - Wale

"Shades" is currently one my favorite songs. I remember the first time I heard it after vibin and nodded my head to the dopeness of the beat, lyrics and Chrisette's beautiful vocals... I half wanted to karate chop Wale in the throat for reading my "Light Skin, Bright Skin" and flippin the concept without giving me my props. It's so rare that I can feel a song as deeply as I do this one. Not just on the skin color tip either.

For those that are just tuning in & haven't read any other of my previous postings, 1.) Shame on you. Go read them. and 2.) I'm obviously mixed. My mother is Mexican. Cali born and raised, and non Spanish speaking. My father is Haitian and Dominican, born and raised in Port au Prince, Haiti, English, Spanish & French speaking. My parents divorced before I was even aware they were together. I was raised primarily by my dad and stepmom. My dad remarried my stepmama when I was about 4. Stepmom is straight Nicoya, meaning she's from Nicaragua. I don't remember her speaking anything but Spanish for the first year or two she was married to my dad. So picture it... Early 90s... here you have this super light, slightly napped headed (cuz Lawd knows my stepmom didn't know what the fuck to do with my mixed textured hair... hell at 23 I barely know what to do with it), Spanglish speaking, biracial little girl.

I was privileged enough to go to private schools for a majority of my childhood. This particular one I'm gonna speak on was nestled in near the Oakland hills, nice area. Their curriculum was challenging and far ahead of anything my cousins who went to public schools were doing. And more than that, it extended beyond the books. There was a heavy focus on nonviolence and tolerance of other cultures and races. They kept us up on current affairs, they didn't sugarcoat much. Black History Month, Hispanic Heritage Month and St. Patrick's Day were celebrated equally. In 1994 (age 8), I not only knew what apartheid was, I could spell it, tell you why it was an issue and Nelson Mandela's role in demolishing it. I knew who Cesar Chavez was and what the farmer works movement was. I did book reports on Sammy Davis, Jr. I sat next to and hugged Jane Goodall. I got the chance to TALK to Mother Teresa and have her pray for me. I mean I only said "Hi, How are you?" but still. I've kissed both Jerry Rice and Jason Kidd on the cheek. By the age of 9 I'd experienced things most folks NEVER will. And more importantly "WHAT" I was didn't matter as much as WHO I was. I wasn't put into a box.

That all changed my first year in public school. I was bout 10 or 11 and given a rude awakening. My school was still in Oakland, predominately Black American sprinkled with a few S. Pacific islanders, Mexicans, White kids, and "standard" (Black & White) mixed kids. I didn't get beat up or nothing like that, not physically. I just really remember feeling so fucking out of place cuz for the first time ever I really realized I was different. I wasn't mixed like the other mixed girls. My hair wasn't "mixed" looking the way theirs was. I was brighter than most of them. When they talked bout what they ate for dinner there was no mention of goat or lengua, maduro/bannann, djon djon or arroz y frijoles. Breakfast for them was Apple Jacks or a Twinkie.
**Side note: I STILL don't know what the fuck Apple Jacks taste like and I didn't know what the hell a Twinkie tasted like til I was 19 when my ex had me try one cuz he couldn't get over the fact that I didn't have them growing up** I ate stuff like Mangu, AK100 or eggs and rice and drank papaya or guava juice for breakfast. And in my naive lil mind and logic, if they were all on the same page, I had to be the weird one cuz I wasn't. I had immigrant parents who immersed me so far into my cultures and had come from a school that was so culturally accepting and open, that being on the opposite end was quite the mind fuck to say the least.

I fought with my stepmom, who by now had learned how to manage my hair, to get her to stop braiding it. I figured out how to straighten it on my own so I could look more like the Black Americans and "Standard" mixed girls I hung with. I threw away the maduro, queso cotija, arroz y pollo that was made for my lunch, saved my allowance so I could buy school food and eat what they were eating. I stopped speaking Spanish at home, answered only in English and only spoke Spanish when I had to. I just wanted to be "normal". I wanted to be accepted. Now as an adult I would call this an identity crisis. My issues with my race, or rather the lack of being able to have my own box to mark, were damaging for quite some time. I really struggled with what I was more than who I was. Some Black girls and some Latina girls fucked with me and were cool, but most didn't and weren't. To the Latinas I was the Black girl trying to be one of them cuz I could speak Spanish. To the Black girls I was the halfbreed trying to be like one of them. Don't get me wrong... I wasn't a loner. Far from it. But on the inside this is the bullshit that I struggled with. Throw my transition into puberty into the mix and you can understand why I was (am lol) so off center.

So when I talk bout the whole Light skin Dark skin and In Between skin... it's not just bout color for me. It's everything and anything that goes into what made that skin. I won't say it's a touchy subject for me, cuz I'll gladly discuss it with you any day, any time... but I can't even lie thinking about some of the stuff I use to do to "fit in" and be "normal", and even just writing it now, brings tears to my eyes. I was raised within my home & family life to be proud of who I am, where my family comes from, to embrace my cultures. As an adult it sickens me to think that I ever tried to hide the beauty of the cultures that is ME. I'm appalled that something as simple as a switch in schools, in the same city mind you, made me want to not be who I am... beyond the way I dressed or any of that, but to change the physical makeup of who I am... all because I didn't have single box to check or know how to explain my cultural background so other people wouldn't have that o_O look and ask "Sooo um WHAT are you though?" As an adult I can also just chock it up to just being naive... but Fuck.Shit.Damn that's some scary shit.

I mean whatever you call it Light Skin, Bright Skin, Yellow Skin, Mexican Skin, Island Skin, Halfbreed Skin, and Anything else in between Skin... it's MY skin. And it fits me quite well.

"Shade doesn't matter, Heart makes the lover."

Realizations

Late Fall and the beginning of Winter have a strangely consistent way of bringing out a plethora of my emotions. Possibly because this time of year is a constant reminder that my life is progressing forward faster than I ever could have imagined since my birthday is approaching. Or possibly being single & laying in a cold bed night after night does it. Wait lemme stop... I'm sounding depressed & emo... that's not what I'm getting at.

Okay... it's more like I'm realizing that half the shit I thought I knew is crap. And that kinda leaves a fourth of the shit I do know half assed & incomplete cuz it was either backed or linked to that half of the stuff that is now crap. So I'm left with only a fourth of what I've accumulated over the last almost 23 years to be solid & credible. That ain't shit when it's broken down like that. I mean it could be worse but I'm greedy & occasionally arrogant.

Admitting to myself that I don't know shit, or far less than I thought I did, is more difficult than having to admit it to someone else. Fuck everyone else. Cuz like I said before I'm in this bed ALONE night after night. In a nutshell I've realized I can't run from myself. As many times as I've tried over the years, fooling myself into believing that I'm not, it's hit me that I'm not fooling anyone but my damn self. Sounds kinda obvious & "Duh bitch of course you can't run from you". Well maybe it's my Sag hard headed stubborn nature to overlook shit until I'm ready to see it or til I can't overlook it anymore. But I see it. I realize it. And more importantly, I think anyways, I OWN it.

I'm a control freak. Quite frankly I'm proud of myself, being a said control freak, that I can admit I don't know what, where, or which direction I'm trying to head in. For the first time in a long time I don't know how to get what I want cuz I don't really know what that ultimate WANT is. I'm great with directions & maps, all that. But only when I know where my destination is. And at this moment I don't know where or what that is.

Only thing I know for certain is that I want More. More of what? Guess that will be my next realization.

FUCK YOU Summer '09

Summer '09,
I Hate You
I swear on every thing that's holy. sacred or of any value to anyone
I fucking hate you

It wasn't enough for you to take Mike was it?
Cuz seeing the tears on my face when I got that news wasn't enough
Feeling my heart shatter when little Paris dumbed it down and reminded folks
That to her Our King of Pop was just simply Daddy: the Best father ever
Like the greedy bitch you are you just HAD to have Air McNair
And granted he may have been doin wrong
But still you were far from right
So fuck you for that too
And then to add insult to injury you had the muthafuckin nerve
You fucking take Baatin
Like hip hop wasn't strugglin enough

And even with you straight trippin and on that bullshit
Like a leaky irritable bitch on her rag
I kept looking and hoping that you'd close out
On a positive note, you know go out with a bang...

Bang! is what you gave me alright...
Bang! from the gun that killed my Tia
Bang! explodin the next bullet that Tio took
Bang! that had my baby cousin callin 911 to say his mami is dead and papi's the reason why

Summer '09 you're a vindictive evil cunt
And you just had to make this shit personal
You couldn't leave well enough alone
Makin my baby brother be the one to call and speak those disgusting words
"Tia Magaly is dead"
Cuz my mami was too broken up from losing her baby sis
To tell me herself
You sniveling triflin piece of shit

FUCK YOU for taking it there
FUCK YOU for hurting MY family
FUCK YOU for making MY family headline news
FUCK YOU for taking MY Tia

MY family isn't suppose to go through this kinda shit
We shoudn't be hurt like this, not us
She was only 33, for reals and no offense
But you couldn't go fuckin snatch up someone out the old folks home?
Word, you funky Bitch? Fuck You

So now my baby cousins are without mami and papi
The eldest of the 3 will forever be stuck with the memory
Of callin 5-0 on his papi for shooting his mami
Seeing them both laid out in their own blood
How fucking dare you


So allow me to make this quite clear
I'm done with you
From here on out
You steer way the fuck clear of me and mine
And on behalf of my family and everyone else that you've hurt
FUCK YOU Summer '09

Light Skin Bright Skin

Light Bright, Damn near White
The complexity of my "bright" complexion
Has always been rather vexing
And the topic of a discussion that I've had more than once


Is it really my fault that this mixed melanin ended up being one of the lighter shades on the Black skin spectrum?
Does that make me "less Black" than the sistas closer to the Midnight hue?
Wait! Wait it's that I couldn't possibly understand the struggle the way the ebony folks do.
Billie Holiday psssh What could she really know bout Strange Fruit
Cuz let's not forget... she was light skin too
"Darker the Berry, Sweeter the juice" is what Pac said
And India Arie was in love with his Brown skin, not his yellow skin
So where in the hell does that leave me?
Besides not having my own song
Being light skin is low key frowned on in the Black community
It's the unnecessary necessary evil
And contrary to what most have heard
This light skin, bright skin ain't always in
At least not til a nigga gets concerned over his next of kin
Cuz recently I was told light skin is the solution for the Brother
Who wants caramel kids but not with a White mother

Words and taunts like "high yellow porch monkey girl" following me from my childhood
Words that left me feeling like
The bastard baby of the slave
Masta took a special liking to
The hatred experienced from my more antioxidant-rich chocolate peers
Left me feeling this urge to prove that I too could call myself Black
Becoming a slave to tan in a can and countless hours in the sun
Enduring painful sunburns and peeling
The words "Let's see if we can make Light Bright bruise" echoing in my mind
So the Summer sun became my best friend
And no matter how hot you'd never find me in the shade
Growing up to despise Winter
Knowing all my time spent getting darker was about to fade

And just when I thought I had shaken this complex issue as a whole
I'm reminded again at 18
In a club and dude is tryin to holla
Like "Yo Light Bright!" like it's my name (and I'm suppose to know)
And upon gettin no response "Stuck up light skin Bitch" is what he mutters
Only to approach my opposite minutes later
He's more like "What's good my Beautiful Ebony Dream"
I see her respond with a smile that says her panties are bout to melt like butter
I'm standing there thinking what's wrong with this scene?
Guess cuz I'm light skin that disqualifies me from being a Black queen

Spoken or not this light skin bright skin almost white skin
This "damn girl you glow in the dark" skin is suppose to be my shame
So I refuse to answer to Light Bright as if it's my name
Okay wait, hold up I take that back
I'll respond to Light Bright if they'll answer to Darkie
Or better yet how bout Spook?
I mean no need to be offended
I'm just sayin what was said in reverse
Nothing more, Nothing much worse

Back in the Day...

Back to when he first showed me that my toes could actually curl
Back to when he was sick and I was making chicken soup... from scratch.
Let me take you on a trip back to before we hit that soul shattering life altering rough patch

It was instant attraction from an unlikely source
Tall dark and uniquely handsome, fashionably fitted
With fresh kicks of course
You see I was into the pretty niggas before him
And he well, his flyyness was of a different kin
Perhaps it was the poetic flow of his words
Or the flecks of amber in those damn hazel orbs
Then again, maybe Flyy just recognize Flyy
Point is I couldn't tell you what exactly caught my eye

Back to the days of his courtroom drama
Dying a lil to see him cuffed
Back to the Sundays spent at his mama's
Gettin our asses handed to us cuz neither could call her bluff
Back to 3am butt nekkid 100mph rides on the 60 just cuz it felt good
And then coming home and touching... and licking... mmmmm
That felt real good

Loving blindly and with absolute full force I stood by his side
Never questioning when he said "Flutterby time to ride"
Through the good and the great, the grit and grime
And small acts of (harmless yet necessary) crime
I was there, ready and beyond willing to bend over backward
Anything to continue to help move us forward
It was always "Better You, Better Me, Better WE"
I was under the impression we'd be together
That we'd be hangin in love like forever


Back to the days when I was foolish enough to believe I made him happy
Back to the day I was doing the wash and picked hair off his shirt
And thought "No way in hell is my hair this damn nappy"
Back to the day that I realized that unconditional love
Like a Major League player's record, Sometimes has an asterisk next to it


And there before me laid the problem:
He couldn't keep his junk in the trunk
And I didn't have the courage to put my junk in the trunk
You see I don't blame him completely for hurting my heart
Cuz like Ms Badu I Kept On & On
And I wasn't ready to give up and accept that he was changing
That I was changing, that the whole dynamic of US
Was fading to nothing more than dust


Back to our final day
Back to the day and moment when words "I Hate You" replaced "I Love You"
Back to the day the impossible became possible
When he venomously ripped the clothes off my back
And at the same time taking my dignity and any small amount of self worth I had tried to hold onto
Killing that rose colored view of Him, Me and We
Back to the day all I could feel was anger
Hating that this happen, thinking this was all a mistake
How did I end up here? How did we get here?
I'm rubbin my eyes hopin that maybe I just wasn't awake


Watching him leave and slam the door
Knowing that this time it was all over for sure
Killed me more than a little inside,
And hurt so much that I felt the need to express it on the outside
One... Two... Three... Four...
Counting as the blood drops on the sink, counter and floor...


Back to the day I remembered who the fuck I am and pulled it together
To that day that my mama's words "Fine before Him, Fine after Him" finally had real meaning
Back to the day that I was ready to get back like Stella


You see He was the only one that I loved and the only one I cared about
Today I realize, that THAT was the real problem
I Forgot to Love and Care bout Me the way I did He

But no excuses, or passing blame or any of the above
Shit what can I say?
Back in the day I was in love

Cali... we gotta talk Love...

Dear Cali,

Let me start off by saying I love you. I really really do. I love everything about you, even the stuff that irritates me on a daily basis. You raised me. I learned to walk, run, skip on your block and skate, ride a bike and drive on your streets. I soaked up the sun laying on your beaches, trying to darken my skin, so I'd have that "Cali girl" look. I might've lost my virginity to Him but we both know that YOU are the one who REALLY broke me in. I was educated both in your schools and in your streets.You saw me when I was doin dirt, and shit I'm not entirely proud of and you saw me when I was doing right, or at least trying to. Even on those cold rainy winter days, when you'd bamboozle me with sun and warmth in the morning giving me false hope that the cold was gone for good, only to drop the clouds back in and I'd end up soaking wet and sneezing by the time I got home, I still love you. I mean really how could I stay mad at you? You're both my place of business and where home is... you're my hideaway and my avenue into the spotlight... where I grind and where I griiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiind haha...

Spring, Summer and late Autumn days ridin to Nowherenparticular with the sunroof open and the windows down, blowin Zig Zag wrapped trees and groovin to music that could've only come from you. And you know I mean shit like LeMarvin, Goapele, J. Myers and Ledisi... okay and maybe a lil Too Short, Snoop and E-40 too... feeling the sun shine down on my curls and shoulders, just taking all of you in, those are the days I love most with you. Quite honestly, everything I know is mostly in part because I learned it from you. So really from the bottom of my heart, thank you for helping me become who I am now.

But unfortunately, I think the time may be coming soon and I may have to say goodbye. For now at least. You see I don't WANT to leave you but I fear it's a must. And well... you know me better than almost anyone else so you probably know what I'm thinkin. Please don't take this the wrong way and please Love don't be offended. Don't feel like I'm abandoning you. I'm just taking one of the many lessons you taught me, you know the one about doing for self... oh yuh and that other one bout not waiting until the last minute to do things and planning ahead. Well it seems as if the time is approaching for me to go before it all comes crashing down and then I'm really fucked. Let's face it, we both know what happened last time I waited too long to get out. No Bueno.

I wanna stay and try to protect you, but it'd be like telling Hurricane Katrina "go away". I'd probably end up getting swallowed up and lost in the chaos. Neither one of us wants that, right? So my Love, I think I must be on my way. Stay as strong as you can, and don't let them take anymore from you than they already have. [[In Riley's voice]] "Make them pay what they owe!!"

I know you'll bounce back, you always do. Can't lie though, I'm gonna miss those sun shiney rides to Nowherenparticular with you. And you DEFINITELY know I'm gonna miss your greenery, cuz let's face it Love you've got a green thumb like no other. It really does hurt my heart to know there isn't much I can do to help you. I'm sorry. But I promise I'll be back, visits and whatnot... And hopefully if we both get our shit together we'll be back together again one day soon. So until then take care of yourself.

Faithfully Yours Always and Forever,

Lea

Playing catch up... MJ and the New Sibling

Just like I said it would take me a sec to get back into the flow of writing. I wasn't lying. I need to start carrying a notebook at all times again cuz believe you me I've been blogging in my head (although is that really "blogging" that'd just be regular thinking huh? oh well whatever you get what I'm sayin) and have had a WHOLE lot to write about in the last few days. So I'm gonna start at the beginning...


Michael Jackson passed a week ago today. I get an ill feeling just writing that. I honestly still can't believe it. Like MJ? Naaaah not MJ. He's invincible. He's my first crush... I broke 2 Moonwalker VHS tapes cuz I'd sit and watch him over and over for hours. Captain EO was my favorite ride at Disneyland. I mean NO Mike ISN'T dead. I couldn't handle it. I cried for 3 days. I was driving when I heard my mama was in the passenger seat and she was just as speechless but trying to console me. Unstoppable tears rolling down my cheeks from under my sunglasses. Everything at that moment just changed. It hurt. Like I knew him personally. Well hell I did. Or at least I feel like I did. I grew up on Mike. I LOVED him. I don't remember an age when I wasn't listenin to him. Every album he put out from when he was still part of Jackson 5 and on has at least 4 songs that I'd put on the soundtrack for my life, if I were to make one (which I may very well do one of these days). My point is at that moment I felt like Music died and a part of me did too. There will NEVER be another Michael. How could there be? He did and introduced the WORLD [the WORLD Craig!] to so much I don't even know where to start. Who else you know who had commercials to advertise, stopped regular primetime TV, the news on channel 7, and debut a music video?! No one. And I still don't know of anyone who made flooded ass pantlegs and glitter socks look fashionable. Despite what you may think of him you CANNOT [reasonably] deny his greatness. So RIP to the best man the music world had the privilege of knowing.

P.S. I'm going to the viewing at Neverland.


On another note... I met my little sister for the first time EVER. She's 17. Pretty lil girl who REEKS of an island upbringing. Pops brought her back from Haiti while he and his chica and my youngest brother were on vacation. I can't say that I was excited to see her initially. I first heard about her when I was 12 and up until a few days ago she was like a unicorn to me. I saw a pic of her once after going through my dad's shit, she was like 5 or 6 in the pic and in my 13 year old mind she didn't look a damn thing like me or my brother. And I'm not gonna lie some of that came from having to consider the fact that her existence took away from my shine as being the only girl. But over the years and with me and pops taking a 7 year break from each other, she went back to being a unicorn. Well I guess aside from stick his pinga in every moving thing he decided he should bring his kid to the States. And with us "working" on our relationship and me moving back closer to him, he decided to share with me that he was doing so. He told me back in February that she'd be here but you know how you hear something so many times that you just kinda put it outta your mind? Well yuh that's what I did. So you can imagine my surprise when last Friday as I was packing to leave for the weekend I get a call from him saying "Oh yuh, J is here too". Needless to say on the inside I didn't feel a whole lot. And I'm sure the response ("oh really? How nice for you") I gave reflected that. Anywaays... I went over to his house and met her. This is how it went down:

My youngest brother (7) opens the door and proceeds to climb all over me and covers my face in kisses [which as a big sis is hands down the best feeling in the world], after which I literally have to pry him offa me. I hug dad's chica and then go hug and kiss dad. Then I wait. I sat at the counter, and my "sister" is laying on the couch bout 15 ft away from me.

[[Sidenote: Maybe it's the way I was raised, but I'm the type of person who won't sit down at someone I'm not familiar with house, if I'm not invited to take a seat. I will stand till it's verbally spoken. I'm not socially retarded or anything but if there's people I don't know, I'll wait for a bit before I take the initiative to introduce myself cuz I expect the host should do it. I think it's slightly rude if they don't and this is why when I have company over I offer them a seat and introduce them immediately. I'm weird. I know]]

So finally after bout 10 minutes when he realizes I haven't gone to say nothing my dad calls her over and introduces us. She waves and I wave back. That's it.

The Next day... I get a call from my pops and get an earful bout not being more receptive and how "she's been looking forward to meeting you" and "I've told her so much about you". All to which I say "Well damn you should've talked bout her a lil more then maybe I'd be excited. But for now she's a stranger and I don't know her so get the fuck off my back." He hung up. Mind you I DID [[well do]] want to get to know her but I can't just rush into that.

[[yes I cuss at my dad. I also cuss him out every one in awhile. I believe in repsecting elders who deserve it. He don't... I'll blog on this later]]

SO I went back over there another day and after bout 30 minutes of pondering, I grab her hand pull her toward the laptop, sit her down... and I hop on my FaceBook and start showing her pics of family and we just clicked. She showed me her friends back in Haiti and DR. She even poked my boobs and laid on me while we watch Taken. OH yeah! Did I mention she doesn't speak English? We managed though. Hand gestures, the English she knows, my broken ass understanding of Kreyol, we made it work. And I feel now like it's my job to watch out for her. Like to protect her from everything I wasnt. I'm happy I have a lil sister, it's going to be fun. Stay tuned for more on this budding new sisterhood.

It's been a very eventful 7 days. I've got more but it'll have to wait for now. I shall return.

Peace.

I want you to know me... Sorta.

Well hello hello! Thanks for stopping by. No really seriously because part of me doesn't believe that people really read this. But then again if no one ever reads any of what I write, Big Shout Out to the voices in my head. Everything I do is for all of you. You guys hang with me through thick and thin, Big Thanks.

Let me start off with this... This is my first time in about 3 years writing. Sad right? I know. Had a serious case of writer's block. I mean I wrote a few random pieces here and there but nothing consistent, but I'm back so bear with me while I get back into the groove of things...

Since this is my icebreaker blog I figure the best place to start this all off is to let you know a bit bout me... just random stuff... Ready? Okay...

I loathe cold weather, it really puts me in a bad mood.

I'm the youngest AND the oldest child, yup trip offa that... it takes most people a second to figure that out. Go ahead. I'll wait.

I HATE mayo/miracle whip and avocados. Just yuck. What irks me more is when folks who know how much I hate it try to sneak it into my food.

I speak Spanish fluently but generally only speak it when I have to... I also understand a lil Kreyol.

I love most tropical fruits, like mango, starfruit, papaya... but not so much pineapple.

I am a text messaging and twitter junkie and only really enjoy talking on the phone to a handful of people.

I practiced capoeira for 7 years... I will roundhouse the shit outta you.

I LOVE watching Golden Girls. I've seen all the episodes and will still watch them. And YES I was sad when Estelle and Bea died.

I'd rather be hugged than kissed... don't get me wrong I like kissing but not everyone can do it right. And I'm HUGE on oral hygiene... Hugs are a safer alternative. Plus they feel reeeeeally good.

I'm a germaphobe. I only use public bathrooms if it's absolutely necessary. I carry hand sanitizer and use it often.

When a person sneezes loud or "sprays" when they sneeze, it completely GROSS ME OUT. My dad sneezes like that and ever since I was little it's made my skin crawl. It's nasty.

I wear a size 6Y in sneakers. Yuh... so my Js are no more than $80-$85. Don't hate.

I'm a Thanksgiving baby and I'm pretty sure that because of that I DON'T really care for turkey ::sidenote:: My birthday is actually ON Thanksgiving Day this year. ::end sidenote::

I prefer vanilla over chocolate. Ice cream not men.

I'm Mexican, Dominican and Haitian. Horny + Horny/Crazy + Crazy = ME
::proceed with caution::

Tallest guy I ever dated was 6'9. I'm 5'2. I loooove tall men.

I don't like being referred to as African-American cuz I'm not... be on the look out for a blog on this subject SOON.

I overuse "..." when I'm writing informally or texting... Probably cuz I write like I talk... I dunno.

I brush my teeth at least 4 times a day. I carry a toothbrush with me. All the time.

Clusters of bubbles, big or small, make my skin crawl. Don't ask cuz I don't know where this came from.

I can go days without eating. Personal best is 4 days. I think this was one of the biggest sources of frustration for my ex. I know this is gonna sound stupid (so in advance if you say yuh L wtf that is stupid, here's your FUCK YOU) but I forget to eat. Especially when I'm on my grind, school or work wise, I overload on everything else and I will forget. Or I'll hear/feel my stomach yellin at me and ignore it. Long story on how this habit developed, you may see a blog on this at a later date.

I will listen to all types of music. Seriously I will listen to anything once. May not make it onto my playlist but I'll give it a shot.

I'm going to school to become a doctor. I started out wanting to be an RN. But after some self evalutation I came to the conclusion that I just wouldn't feel like being an RN would fulfill my need to feel like I'm making a difference... plus I am too much of a control freak, and I don't like taking orders... (yes I know doctors have to listen and take orders blah blah blah... HOWEVER I get to give orders... it's like the difference between being an assistant manager and a district manager)

I have damn near no female friends. Bitches are evil backstabbing bitter cunts. Correction SOME bitches are evil backstabbing bitter cunts. I have little to no patience for the stupidity that some broads can't shake. So believe that if a female is hanging tight with me, she's DAMN good peoples.

I honestly believe that you'll never met another woman quite like me.


Okay, hopefully you don't think I'm a psycho or sociopath. And hopefully you'll be back for more as I get back in my groove. It's okay if you don't though. The folks in my head will get you.

Peace.